Coping with a deep, pervasive loneliness
– During my life, I have lost many dear ones and for a long period of time, I felt terribly alone, writes art teacher Mirva Vittaniemi.
By Mirva Vittaniemi
When I was in my mom’s tummy, my dad left us. It didn’t really matter because I had my grandfather, who was like a father for me. He drove me to ballet for many years and was always there. Then, when I was a teenager he suddenly died of a heart attack. I was alone on the way to ballet and on the way back home. I just had to survive and struggle on.
There was also another person I could trust in my life and that was my sister. Actually, she was my cousin but we were like sisters, always hand in hand. I was living at their place with my mom when I was a baby. After that, I stayed there in daycare. So, it was like my second home.
When we grew older, I always stayed close to my sister-cousin. Even when I was abroad, we sent letters to each other about our lives. When she got a baby, we planned the name together, When she got two more babies, I became a godmother for one and I witnessed the delivery of the other one. Then, one day she got cerebral hemorrhage and left this world. Luckily, I was able to be beside her, when she died.
I felt terribly alone.
I always wanted to have a family – own kids or adopted ones and a loving man. Somehow my relationships just didn’t last the whole life as I had thought. Sometimes, I left someone and sometimes someone left me – and I was alone again. I missed somebody beside me, someone I could share my life with, someone I could share all the beautiful things I had discovered in this world.
Then something changed. In my loneliness, I began to appreciate things and people around me. I fell in love with my hometown and with the people I have in my life. I’m just so thankful. I know they can disappear, and that's life, but now I have them here! Also, when I come home, I love the silence. I can read and meditate and make some good food. Thank you, life that you left me alone. Now, I love to be with myself and it's a good base for everything. Thank you for difficult times because through them we learn...
Mirva Vittaniemi,
Artist, Yogi and Art Teacher
